To be Game or 41 questions

(in reading & thinking & feeling & responding to ida b wells' "mob rule in new orleans" and audre lorde's "need")

i can't pretend to understand what it means to be black.
i can't pretend to comprehend the depths of my white privilege.

i am not making excuses
i am searching

i.
was it for hate?
was it for lust?
was it for revenge?
was it for envy?
was it for entertainment?

did it slice off your fear?
did it burn off your accent?
did it cut out your pain?
did it secure your family's position?
did it tie down your job?
did it set fire to your inadequacies?
did it stake down your belonging?
did it beat back your vulnerability?
did it display your power?
did cooking tongues silence?

will you realize what you've done?
will you turn yourself in?
will you confess your horrors?

would you plead not-guilty?
would you do it again?

ii.
was it for love?
was it for need?
was it for survival?
was it for liberation?
was it for destruction?
was it for redemption?

did it help?
did it burn off your oppression?
did it beat back your vulnerability?
did it cut out your pain?
did it kick off your fear?
did it awaken your anger?
did it move like manhood?
did it feel like need?
did it die out?
did slitting tongues silence?

will you realize what you've done?
will you remember?
will you listen?

would you name the enemy?
would you dismantle the enemy?